Lessons from Prima Facie

Recently saw a phenomenal performance from Mel Dodge in a play called Prima Facie. The message was confronting, disturbing, powerful and left the audience pondering.

The writer of the play, Susie Miller wrote:

“Years of practicing as a human rights and criminal defence lawyer did nothing to silence my feminist questioning of the legal system, because while I firmly believe that ‘innocent until proven guilty’ is the bedrock of human rights, it always felt that its application in sexual assault cases served to undermine rather than uphold any real fairness”

She added the following facts. I am not sure how close they would align to Aotearoa / New Zealand sexual assault facts, would imagine they would be similar statistics.

• 1.7 million women who have been sexually assaulted, rarely receive justice from the criminal justice system. Instead women’s stories are filtered out of the system as they meet one hurdle after another

• Nine out of every ten sexual assaults are not reported to police

• Of the few that are reported, nine in ten end up with no conviction

In Ireland this play is compulsory viewing for high court judges before they sit on the bench, with plans to introduce it to more judges.

In New Zealand lawyers get two CPD points if they see this production of Prima Facie including a Q & A with the Director and her creative team.

A week after seeing this play I read in the news that in Italy, a judge decide that a male (school caretaker) who pulled a woman’s pants down and groped her, was not guilty because it was for less than 10 seconds. .

My work at the Human Rights Commission had me mediating some sexual harassment complaints. While the mediators are not advocates and supposed to be as impartial and neutral as possible, this play certainly raises the question of the concept of fairness, especially when thinking about the hurdles involved just getting to the stage of engaging in mediation process, let alone those who have been sexually assaulted going through the hurdles of a criminal justice process.

Seeing the human.

The power of the mediation process was highlighted recently when a respondent, after hearing the perspective of the complainant and just as the mediation was about to close, asked for a short private session, to have a discussion on whether it would be offensive or disrespectful to the person to offer some monetary acknowledgment.

The other party had not put any quantum discussion forward as an option and had already indicated to the respondent they had felt heard, acknowledged, and that raising the complaint had already made a positive difference. They indicated they were in a very positive space as a result of the discussions taken place.

This request from the respondent highlighted for me the work of Ken Cloke, where he talks about the power of the mediation process, when it allows parties to see the other as a human being again. Often prior to a mediation parties talk about each other in dehumanising language and attitude and when you observe the parties making positive change, it is very humbling to witness it.

“One reason mediation works is that it makes adversaries human to one another…It acknowledges the existence of the emotional needs of the parties, and allows both sides to tell the inner truth, the subjective and emotional truth, along with the supposedly ‘objective’ truth.” Cloke adds:

“Mediation works because the motivation of disputants is made the centre and object of the process…it works because it accepts people as they are and allows them to change and become better; it does not judge their actions, but helps them to do what they believe is right…it accepts the human condition, while affirming its desire for self-improvement”

This mediation stood out to me because of the way all the parties in the room really took the time to hear each others truth and allowed space for the possibility of human errors from both sides.

If you know of people who are in a conflict situation (especially, if they have started using dehumanising language about each other) then mediation (or a facilitated conversation) may be of assistance. Contact me for a free confidential discussion to discuss options.

Allow the space and time

Recently, our family went around to Island Bay, Wellington to view the Aurora Australis.  Like a number of others who had driven out there, I thought I would see this amazing vivid light and flares display with the naked eye. I was somewhat disappointed when all I could see was stars and black sky.  That disappointment remained until my son, who is into photography, set his camera up and seeing what the camera had captured blew me away.

It made me reflect that it was not dissimilar to what occurs in a mediation. Sometimes parties need assistance to see something which is not clear to a person without some other tools or third-party impartial interventions.

Even while looking through the camera lens, it was not obvious there was anything out there beyond stars and black sky. It was only after the camera lens had been set up with right settings to focus and process did the flares become clear. The lens also needed sufficient exposure time to allow the image to her captured.

Similarly, in any situation where there is a person in conflict it is critical to allow them time and space to process the information, to get the best picture of the situation possible and assist them to gain insights from exploring more deeply their assumptions and perspectives. When done well the person will gain new insights. If they are rushed or not given the opportunity to process the information then the picture they will have will not be as rich or complete,

Ask an open question, then imagine yourself sitting on your hands and putting tape over your mouth, until they have responded, is one of the most powerful tools we have. It allows the person time and space to really think and reflect.

If you are interested in assistance with a conflict situation in the workplace, give me a call, txt or email to discuss in a no obligation, confidential conversation.

Dogs leading by example

At this time I hope all those you love and care for are keeping safe and well.

Now more than ever it is time to find things that bring joy and optimism into our lives.

We are working from home and our two dogs Astro and Sirius have listened carefully to Jacinda and decided to do their bit re social distancing .

I am doing some contracting work to the HRC at the moment and someone set up a shared Team page called ‘co-workers’ which is filled with pics of the pets who share the office space. It highlights for me the need for connection and how to find new ways of meeting that need in this strange time.

Would love to hear what you are doing to keep those connections with others strong.

Our services are available online.

We hope you and the ones you care and love are safe and well in these challenging, changing times.

In the midst of the current lockdown in NZ and around the world, we wanted to let you know that our services remain available. We use zoom, and have done for many years, to provide coaching and online supervision. We have also successfully used it for meetings, facilitation and mediations. We also have access to Skype and FaceTime.

If you require any services during this time please contact us.

With aroha

Ava and Simon