Changing busy and destructive thoughts

I get ‘monkey mind’ at times. It’s a busy distracted mind; thinking about ‘all’ the things I ‘should’ be doing, or ‘should’ have already done. I’m under pressure from the ‘chatter’ of my multi-tasking thinking. These thoughts roam down negative, unproductive paths, worrying about things that aren’t here, or ruminating over stuff that’s happened.

This thinking deprives me of feeling good right now. It increases stress, taking me towards the ‘red zone’. We go into the red zone to avoid threats, pursue opportunities and deal with issues. It’s where our sympathetic nervous system activates (think ‘fight or flight’ response) and stress hormones like cortisol go through our bloodstream to enable us to react to the threat, whether real or perceived. It’s the foot on the gas pedal of our autonomic nervous centre.

This response is needed when we are under threat for our life or survival. However, for most of us this isn’t our reality and we react to small, everyday stressors as if it is. When our thoughts and our lives are busy, we tend to be on guard, and we can’t fully recover from the stresses we face. We feel ‘tired but wired’.

If you are like me you have many opportunities to leave the red zone, and go back to green during the day. When in the green zone we activate the parasympathetic nervous system, it’s the foot on the break to slow us down where we are more able to respond to stressors (think ‘rest and digest’ response).

Here are some approaches I’m practicing to get back to green quicker.

1. Notice when moving into the red zone.

What are the signs for yourself that you are heading into the red zone? When you notice them, set an intention to settle and calm yourself. Take a deep breath in and exhale slowly, twice as long as the in breath. Repeat until you feel yourself slowing and calming. It may be 2 or 3 breaths or 1 or 2 minutes.

Then think of something that makes you feel better. For example a thought or an experience of feeling safer, cared about, capable, grateful – focus on the good feelings, stay with them and let them sink into you like water into a sponge. (See Getting the Good to Stick).

2. Take a step back and slow down.

Changing our physical state changes our mental state. For example get a glass of water, some fresh air, stand and stretch rater than sit. It helps break the pattern of thinking.

When you feel calmer, ask what else could be going on here? Search for what’s at the bottom of the situation that is stressing you. Once clearer we are better able to prioritise. This is helpful if the pressure comes from feeling overwhelmed with things to do. Ask yourself what is one do-able, actionable step you can take? Know you can’t do everything, and you can’t control the outcomes. However, you can do something.

3. Observe your thoughts.

“Are these thoughts coming from internal pressures I’m putting on myself, or external pressures I have no control over”? Our way of thinking about things is often what causes us to feel stressed rather than what is actually happening. So changing our thinking will change our stress response.

Our thoughts are just our mind taking care of us. It’s normal to have them. Externalising the thoughts that are causing internal pressure gets them out of your head so you can rationally assess them and shift them . One way to do this is journaling.. Often when they are down on paper you discover how unreal they are.

.Diffusing our thoughts is another method that can help. For example if you think of a critical thought such as,”I’m a bad mother” you can say instead, “I’m having the thought that I’m a bad mother.” . Or “I notice I’m having the tough that I’m a bad mother”, which diffuses it even further.

You can also talk back to your thoughts when they are externalised . “That’s my not good enough story”, or “That’s not very helpful, do you have a helpful thought? “ We can turn down the volume on the unhelpful thought.

Changing your perspective and the way you are looking at something is another possibility. Ask yourself, “where is the good in what’s happening?” “Could there be another explanation, rather than the story I am giving it?”

Don’t let that monkey turn into a gorilla!